The almostwar of Konoha
by KageOni1
Summary: In Konoha, many hidden-cloud nijas have been missing, and one shinobi by the name of Rie Uchiha has come to investigate. Rated PG-13 for yaoi, language, OOCness, and Gasp Sasuke cross-dressing? Chapters 7&8 now up.
1. Prolouge Rie

Prologue

She was running. Running past the trees, the river, everything. Except for one man. Itachi had a way of knowing exactly where she would be. Of course, this was because of his Sharingnan. But as the last possible Uchiha, she also had the Sharingnan. Still, it didn't help, so she decided to stop for a moment. Itachi floated down, and said quietly,

"Really, Rie, for someone with as much gifted intelligence as you, you sure are stupid. I guess I'll have to kill you slowly now." He passed a rare grin and stepped forward. Thoroughly scared, she did the katas and activated her Byakugan. Rie then took the traditional stance.

"Come and get me, slug. You always were the slow one." Rie replied. That did it. Apparently, Itachi didn't know of her new move, so he just rushed forward. Smirking, she pushed her palm forward and struck his stomach. Itachi started coughing blood. She gave him a few more blows to his abdomen and ran off.

'I have got to hide,' Rie thought quickly, 'but where should I hide?' It then came to her. The third hokage had granted her solace at Konoha. She would go there, but she had one thing left to do. She took out a scroll, slit her thumb, and started the call. Very soon, two vultures surrounded where Itachi was. Rie grinned while she ran. Those vultures were smart enough to dodge any attack from Itachi, and they would stay with her until he died.


	2. Two Years Later

Chapter One: Two years later

"Sasuke-kun, look out!" Sakura yelled.

Quickly, Sasuke looked up while activating his Sharingan. A black-robed figure was in the air and landed where Sasuke was. After looking quickly, the figure jumped up to meet him. But when it met up with Sasuke, Sasuke pinned the figure mid-air.

Unfortunately, he found out that the figure was a girl, and was therefore slapped. Catching him off-balance, she rolled over so that Sasuke ended up with a face plant. This only fazed him for a few seconds. She was standing over him and laughing.

"Even when you were seven, you still had a problem with girls." The figure said. While she was laughing, he turned around and stabbed her with his kunai. Still laughing, the figure exploded in a flurry of feathers rather than smoke. Sasuke just stared.

"Who the hell are you, bitch?" Sasuke yelled, and the figure was talking behind him.

"Surely you didn't forget your favorite cousin now? Or did you really think that Itachi was that good?" She finally whipped off her cloak. From the Hitai-ate on her thigh, you could tell she was from the cloud nation. "Rie Uchiha, at your service!"

Everyone was staring as if she was talking without a head. Sasuke finally broke the silence.

"You're s-s-still al-al-al-alive? When I killed Itachi two years ago, he said I was the last Uchiha." He said with a stutter.

"Really, Sasuke," Rie replied, "In a sense, you are. You're the last Konoha Uchiha. But we're it. Itachi has hunted me down for three years, and we're it. But since when did Itachi die? I knew that two years ago I pained him enough with my Byakugan to run away, and left two vultures to watch over him."

"I left for two years, and **I** killed him. It was strange seeing vultures in a forest." Sasuke replied, then shook his head, as if accepting the she did his job. "Wait, since when did you know Byakugan? As far I can tell, you weren't adopted into the Hyuuga clans."

Rie smirked, and mouthed 'I'll never tell.' "Besides," She now said, " I can also use the Sharingan." Rie then looked at the rest of team seven and bowed.

"I'm sorry to be so rude, but my name is Rie Uchiha, Chûnin bodyguard to the Raikage in Kumogakure. I need to speak to the Hokage please." Rie said. Team seven was still staring. Finally, as if his brain had restarted, he gulped and said:

"Welcome to Konoha."


	3. The Talk

Chapter 2: The Talk

A/N: If you're confused as to why I wrote chapter three as chapter one, even though the fanfic takes it as chapter three, the prologue and bio was supposed to be one chapter together as chapter 0. Either way, just read the headings to make sure you're on track. BTW, even though its Christmas break and all that, updates would probably be slow because not only am I doing nanny babysitting (sunup to sundown), I'll also be having my wisdom teeth removed. Oh Joy.

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**"**Okay, Rie, let me get this straight," Tsunade said in a voice that hinted that she was having some serious PMS, " Seven years ago, when you were ten and Sasuke was seven, Itachi had come to the Hidden Cloud village and slew everyone except for you, because you were in the middle of your Chûnin exams."

"Yes Hokage," Rie amended, "that is correct." Sasuke and Rie were sitting in front of the fifth hokage's desk. Sasuke was silent, gripping his hands tightly together so hard that his knuckles were white.

"But…" Tsunade prompted.

"But when I became the Raikage's number one bodyguard at age twelve, Itachi had come back. The Raikage had offered help, but I knew Itachi would kill them instantly. So for three years Itachi had hunted me down. Besides," Rie paused to give a smirk, "I had an ace. I learned how to use the Byakugan. As anyone would know, the Byakugan can't be copied, so it was my best hope."

"How did you learn Byakugan, anyway?" Tsunade asked.

"I'm not about to tell, with all due respect." Rie answered. "Either way, because he didn't know I had it, I was able to injure him enough to run away. For extra caution, I used psychic power to call two vultures, which would leave when Itachi died."

"Which they did, when **I** killed him." Sasuke added, as if to make himself known.

"While running away, I had remembered the third Hokage granting me solace here should I ever need it. Which I shall, because," Rie gave a dramatic pause here, "the Raikage is hinting at war if you don't give back our Shinobi."

Tsunade chocked and spat out her sake when she heard this.

"What Shinobi?" Sasuke asked for Tsunade. Rie was almost glad when she heard that they didn't know. But this also meant that she would probably be searching for the Shinobi anyway.

"When I last checked through carrier pigeon, the count was 50 people, maybe more. The only reason I'm here is because I flew with my birds. Either way, the Raikage is saying that if we don't get our Shinobi back by the sakura festival; get ready for a full-fledged war." Rie finished, leaning back. Sasuke grinned inwardly to himself. She's an Uchiha alright. Silent, deadly, and sneaky were the main traits in the family. Keeping his cold stare in the real world, he asked the question everybody had.

"So, what are we going to do?" Sasuke asked. Tsunade pondered on this, which meant she was taking in some more sake. After about three gulps, she finally answered.

"Both of you realize," Tsunade said, eyeing the two, "that this is a very bad thing. I'm barely hokage, and here I am with a war threat. So, I'm going to have to give you this mission: investigate the Konoha land for the Shinobi, and bring them back, dead or alive."

"What rank would this be considered as?" Sasuke asked, in a tone that implied that the rank was the only reason for doing this.

"This mission is a class B mission, but you'll need to take Naruto and Gaara. Start at the border, and work your way in." Tsunade thought for a moment, trying to think of anything else. "Oh, yes," she interjected, "if it's possible, I need you to bring in whoever's responsible for this. Any questions?" The Uchihas were silent. But they both knew one thing about this mission.

They needed more people than that.


	4. Hitta and Futta

Ch. Three: Hitta and Futta

A/N: Maybe I'm doing something wrong. After a few days, ZERO reviews. But then again, maybe it's because there's only two days before Christmas. Or it might be the bio I put in front of the Prologue. So I'll be taking that off the next time I update, unless of course I receive enough reviews to leave it on. Either way, enjoy this chapter.

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All along the border, they found nothing. No clothing, weapons, letters nothing. Nothing except a Hitai-ate, which was peculiar in itself. The headband had what looked like a hibiscus carved into it, which meant that someone was from the nation of Flowers. This also meant that these Shinobi were being overrun by plants. Literally.

"Alright," Rie said to the group, as they were huddled around a map of Konoha, "Gaara and I will go in from both North- and Southeastern area, while Sasuke and Naruto will come in from the North- and Southwestern areas. Any questions?" Almost inevitably, Naruto raised a hand. Rie sighed, and said before he asked the question, "No, Naruto, we don't have any ramen here, and, we aren't having any ramen soon. You were supposed to pack your own provisions." Naruto put his hand down. Sasuke rolled his eyes, and started tracing the map.

"Shinobi have been missing from two spots," Sasuke pointed out, "Here and Here. Incidentally, these two points are in a straight line to each other, which means that there must be at least two operatives. Anyway, the sooner we get started on this, the less time I have to be with the dobe." With that, everyone leapt away, except for Naruto, who was so into the Flower Hitai-ate that he switched it with his own. Sasuke leapt back and hit him on the head.

"Ow! Sasuke! What was that for?" Naruto asked as he was putting back on his own Hitai-ate.

"We need to get going. NOW." Sasuke said stiffly. This time Naruto went with him when he leapt away. After going inward towards the capital for 15 kilometers, the two noticed that they were at the western point on the map. Looking up, they noticed some rustling. Unexpectedly, two forms leapt down from the branch. When they came up, Naruto did a double-take.

There were two beautiful girls in front of them. Both girls had blonde hair, purple knee-length dresses, high black boots, a hibiscus in their hair, and weapon pouches looking like purses. But that wasn't very shocking. The girls were mirror reflections of each other, and one girl was missing her belt Hitai-ate. The girl with a Hitai-ate spoke first.

"Welcome. My name is Hittari. This woman," Hittari gestured to her counterpart, "is Futtari, my twin sister. Prepare to be captured." With that, the twins held each others hand and started doing katas with each other's hands. When they did the last seal, they said: "Santtori e Hittari! (It means three people to one person in Japanese.)"

In a puff of smoke, two duplicates of Sakura appeared. Naruto and Sasuke were taken a back for just a moment. Then they got to fighting. Naruto went to Sakura-Futtari and started Genjutsu. Like the real Sakura, Futtari was doing poorly, until Naruto gave her a black eye. Futtari then grinned and kept going until Naruto was down for the count.

Sasuke was having similar problems. He had tried using both Big Fireball and Flame Chariot, but all he did was burned her hair a good three inches. But Sakura-Hittari then made katas and said: "Escape by petals: Sleeping Poppies." She then breathed on the palms of her hands, and Sasuke then became aware of how drowsy he was. He then fell over, snoring quietly. Hittari then walked over to her sister.

In a puff of smoke, she became herself. Futtari was busy taking her Hitai-ate from Naruto's grip and tied it around her waist. After tying Naruto up and dragging him back to Sasuke, Futtari bent down close to look at him. He woke up and started to struggle. Futtari smirked.

"Don't worry, dobe. We already have the Sand-nin and Thunder-nin you sent us." Hittari said as she kicked Naruto into unconsciousness. As Naruto had a few fleeting moments before the darkness came, he overheard them talking.

Sasuke was thrown over Hittari's shoulder. "Well, at least these guys are cuter than the others." Naruto heard Hittari say before he finally blacked out. Futtari then looked closer at Naruto, close enough to kiss him. She then noticed something important.

"Hey sis?" Futtari asked.

"What is it, Futta?" Hittari said, as she stood next to her.

"Maybe they were sent by Kakashi-ojisan to tell us to come in, Hitta. We should also bring the others. That way, our class B mission would be finished." Futta said quietly.

"Maybe. But let's hurry. Sasuke isn't going to be under my spell for much longer." Hittari said. With that, Hitta walked away. Futta looked at Naruto again, and started dragging him behind like a toy. The mirror image then followed to Hitta to the hiding place back in the trees. There they would wait for any other hostages.

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A/N: This is a little bit of a spoiler, and also a small Japanese lesson for others. Even though Futtari and Hittari prefer the nicknames Hitta and Futta, in Japanese their names would mean one person (Hittari), and two people (Futtari). Also, ojisan means uncle in Japanese, so it makes one wonder what part Kakashi has to play in this. Till then Merry Christmas! 


	5. Sakura's Fury

Ch.4: Sakura's Fury

A/N: six hours and counting until New Years. I've removed the bio, and if any new readers are interested in seeing it, just e-mail me. NE way, my wisdom teeth are gone, I'm done babysitting, and here's a new chapter.

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Naruto woke blearily, noticing that he was tied up. Looking around, he noticed he was at the same spot where he first went through Kakashi's lessons. Naruto also noticed other poles, with about sixty other people tied up, including Gaara, Rie, and Sasuke. When Naruto looked near the memorial commerating the capture of the nine-tail fox, he saw Hitta and Futta tying the last thunder Shinobi to the memorial itself.

"Hey! You two! Let us go!" Naruto yelled, struggling against the ropes. The girls looked up, surprised. Hitta stuck out her tongue. Futta smiled and waved. Neither came near him.

"We won't let you go until Kakashi-ojisan gets here. Until then, shut up!" Both girls said in a demonic and deranged voice. Naruto flipped the bird at both of them in response. That got him a double-slap from both girls. Fuming, Naruto then noticed something.

"Waaaiiit a minute! Uncle Kakashi? I thought he was a drifter!" Naruto said to himself.

"I am a drifter, and these girls are actually distant cousins of mine." Kakashi said to Naruto, behind his ear. Kakashi sighed. "I also see that they were on another troublesome mission."

"Ojisan Kakashi!" Both girls yelled. The pair came up to Kakashi and gave him a hug.

"Look uncle, we completed our first Class B mission: hold any incomig Shinobi hostage for a while, and then let them go." Futta said, after letting go.

"Yes, well," Kakashi sighed, "You two almost caused a war between the thunder nation and our nation. You'll need to come with me to see the Hokage."

"Okay, ojisan. Should we untie the brats too?" Hitta asked, pointing towards Naruto and Sasuke. Sasuke had given up trying to escape, but Naruto was now trying to chew the ropes off. Sighing, Kakashi just came to the pair and untied them. Hitta and Futta looked at each other, shrugged, and started to untie the others. Afterwards, they started the trek back to Konoha. Rie had stayed quiet. She was overwhelmed by two flower girls. At her skill level, that just doesn't happen.

'I mean come on; these girls aren't even sixteen yet!' Rie thought dejectedly. She then felt a hand on her arm. Looking to her side, she saw Sasuke looking at her. Rie then realized something: Sasuke feels worse about this because he is supposed to be the best in his age group. Sasuke then said it out loud.

"I was overwhelmed by their power also. But you don't see me kicking myself for losing. Either way, we won't have to fight against each other." Sasuke said. He was going to say something else, but Sakura was standing in front of him. She wasn't happy. But then, when a black eye shows up and your already short hair is burned another three inches, you can't help but feel angry.

Naruto and Sasuke stared at her. Hitta and Futta turned around. The girls shared Cheshire cat smiles, and walked up to Sakura. Both girls bowed in apology.

"We are sorry," Futta said, "But whenever we do the three people to one person, we become a doppelganger of the one our opponent loves."

"Consider yourself lucky." Hitta gently. "We have gone against jounin who had killed their loved ones instead of us with that move." With that, they walked on. Sakura was still stunned. Kakashi walked up to Sakura, and told her to go home. But Sakura didn't. Instead, she drew a kunai and charged at Hitta and Futta. Sakura had stabbed both girls from behind. But rather than falling, the pair then exploded in a burst of flower petals. Surprised, Sakura then felt two kunai crossed in front of her throat.

"Did you not hear us?" Futta said, "Consider yourself lucky. The next time you try that, we won't hold back, and Ojisan Kakashi won't be there to stop us." Both girls withdrew their kunai, letting Sakura fall to her knees. Sasuke walked on, while Naruto at least helped her up. Rie looked at Sakura and shook her head.

'This is gong to be a long night.' Rie thought dejectedly.


	6. The Rematch

**Ch.5: The Rematch**

A/N: I'm glad that there are at least two reviews now! .! I have to apologize for not updating so soon, because not only did I not have the time, but also because I was waiting for at least two reviews. But now I feel guilty because I keep writing out stories but don't have time for writing them out. --. Anyway, they were on their way to the Hokage's office…

P.S. oh, and BTW, _flashback, _'thought,' and "Speech." But I know you all knew that right? Right. Just checking.

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Gaara was silent while waiting for the meeting to come to order. He stole a glance at Hitta and Futta, who were creating what looked like lei's from nothing. Gaara then remembered what happened not six hours ago.

* * *

_As Gaara and Rie came to the rendezvous point, they already saw two girls carrying off two thunder-nin to the treetops. Unfortunately, Rie had carelessly stepped on a branch, and the girls were in for the kill. They used the weirdest form of katas: holding each others hands, where one girl was doing the right-hand katas while the other girl did the left-handed katas. As they came to the end with two ram seals, they both shouted out:_

_"Yonttari e Futtari no justsu!" (Four people to two people skill). In a puff of smoke, the doppelgangers became Rie and some thunder-nin, who then charged at them. Gaara had tried grabbing Rie-Futta's arm with his sand for a mini saboku sousou, but when he tightened on her arm, it wasn't Futta screaming, it was the real Rie. Gaara looked to his left and noticed that his sand had grabbed onto Rie without him noticing. Immediately before he could crush her arm like a twig, he let go. Rie then realized the justsu also, but only after striking three shuriken in Hitta's arm. _

_Very soon, Rie was beaten to submission, while Gaara was on the ground coughing blood. The jutsu faded, and the twins came to him. Gaara tried sweeping sand at their feet to trip them, but they were too fast. The girls had jumped closer, and with the heel of their boots, hit the two pressure points needed: one to cause him to lose consciousness, the other to wake him up. The result of the double shiatsu had caused him to fall asleep without closing his eyes. _

_The last things he heard were the two of them talking. _

"_Futta," Hitta had said, "Isn't it that Shukaku guy?"_

"_Yeah, he is." Futta amended, "He looks kinda cute for a demon container."

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_

Gaara shook his head from the memory. He thought he was evil, but the girls may as well've been THE devil's spawn. I mean, adding insult to injury by calling him cute! Before he got anymore agitated, the Hokage had called for Hitta, Futta, Rie and Sasuke to the office. Kakashi sighed, and walked back out the corridor, with his stupid porno book. Gaara sighed, and walked off. After all, he was only there for recon. Although there was hell going on between him and Shukaku in his mind, it was nothing like the hokage's office at that time.

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"How could a class B mission be considered as "fun" when you hold us hostage like that!?" Naruto asked, pointing at Hitta and Futta, who were still working on the leis. They looked up briefly and once again gave him a double raspberry. As he was fuming, Rie looked again at the Hokage, who had already brought out some sake for herself.

"Hokage-sama," Rie started, and then sighed. This was going to earn her another rumor when she gets back to Kumogakure. "I'm glad that there wasn't loss of life, but we still had a battle. I just now have to tell the Raikage that because of two overzealous hippies we almost had a war on our hands." The twins looked up with an evil gleam in their eyes. Sasuke was watching them, and was almost scared.

'This girls-fighting-girls thing is getting ugly.' Sasuke thought, and looking towards Naruto for help, he noticed Naruto silently cheering on what might be a bitch fight. Sasuke hung his head in disbelief and turned back to the Hokage. Rie had finished with her report.

"…And without anymore intrusion, I would like to go back to my village with my Shinobi." Rie finished. The Tsunade looked between Rie and the twins. Rie had the smug look on her face while it seemed apparent that Hitta and Futta would gladly slit Rie's throat. Tsunade inwardly sighed. Barely 48 hours after she comes along, there's chance of a bloodbath.

"Rie," Tsunade said, "you may go with your shinobi. One thing, though. Why were shinobi going across our borders?"

"I'm afraid that's between you and the Raikage." Rie said mischievously. "But I thank you for letting me come here for not only stopping a war, but to also find out that I'm not the only Uchiha anymore." With a cloud of feathers, she was gone. Tsunade then looked at the twins, who had decided that Rie was too pitiful for them to maim.

"Well, girls, anything to say before I should say anything?" Tsunade asked, sounding relieved to have the female Uchiha gone. Futta came to the desk.

"I would like to request a fight between team seven and ourselves before we leave, which I think Naruto and Sasuke would like." Futta said, casting a sidelong glance at Naruto and Sasuke. Tsunade thought for a moment.

'These girls should leave soon, but it looks like Sasuke could use the feel of defeat from someone other than Itachi.' Tsunade thought, then finally came to a decision

"It's up to Kakashi-sensei, but you have until noon tomorrow to leave. After that, you come into our borders within two years; you're under the mercy of our ANBU." Tsunade warned. With that, she shooed the four kids away. Naruto looked at the two girls. They looked so innocent now that they weren't trying to beat them into submission. Futta then looked at them and smiled.

"So? Do you still want to fight? It's one-on-one, and whoever loses does the winner's bidding. Sound good?" Hitta asked. Naruto and Sasuke looked at each other for a second.

"We're in." they both said together.

"Good," Futta amended, "Then meet us at the monument in an hour. Kakashi-ojisan will be ref. See you then boys." With that, they disappeared, with the scent of Blue Moon Hibiscus in the air.

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A/N: okay, fifth chappie down, and I decided to answer the two reviews. Also, I'm not updating until either I have more time, or when I have hopefully six reviews. Not too much to ask for, is it?

Shikamaruthepinapple: Yeah, I like the twins along with Rie, but Rie was kind of losing her purpose, but the twins might have something going on. And don't worry, I've got at least two other Fanfics coming out, that is, if I have the time.

v4n1LL4xcr34m: yeah, I know it's interesting, but things might get a little bit more interesting to find out not only who loses, but what they'll have to do.


	7. Your Face!

**Ch. 6: Your Face!**

A/N: Neh, I should've known that asking for a certain number of reviews while only one person was on the review list wouldn't work. Sorry for the slow updates Shikamaruthepinapple. Not only was I holding out for the six, but I was also depressed because my sister ruppunzul wrote her fanfic with Hitta and Futta in it (The fic's called Princess Sakura), and got more reviews in one night than I did in three months. So, I'm just going to post up the last three chapters and move on to my next fic.

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In an hour, Sasuke and Naruto were waiting with Kakashi-who was in the tree branches reading Icha Icha Paradaisu-for Hitta and Futta. As the moon rose, the twins came with a lame excuse.

"Oh, we found some flowers that are perfect for the losers, so we decided to pick them." Futta said standoffishly, as if saying that there was another reason.

'Well, at least _NOW_ I know they're related.' Naruto thought as Kakashi jumped down from the branch and stood up, and then started stating the rules.

"Okay, now the fight stops when it's apparent the opponent can't fight, goes out of the ring, or takes the wimpy way out by begging for mercy." Kakashi looked around, "so who's going first?" Futta stepped up to the ring, while after a round of janken (Japanese rock, paper, scissors) Naruto stepped up to the ring.

"Hajime!" Kakashi yelled. The fight was on. Futta immediately started using katas, ending with a kata that looked like the boar seal with the wrists pointing outward.

"Hana dansu no-jutsu! (Flower dance technique!)" Futta yelled, then blew on her now open hands. Flower petals flew from her hands while she sped around as if she was a dandelion seed in the air. Naruto was in the middle of using his Kage Bunshin no-jutsu when the petals hit him. Not only did the smell of so many flowers overpower him, but every petal that even brushed his skin caused large lacerations. As he was trying to wake himself up, Futta then came to him and kicked him up high into the air.

'I've to do something, quickly!' Naruto thought, then came upon an idea. He sent two shuriken and three kunai towards Futta. The shuriken sent Futta reeling while the Kunai held her to the ground. When she looked up, she noticed that Naruto had used his Spiral technique(A/N: it's where Naruto gets all his charka up into a ball, and it causes a spiral-like hit on someone. Jiraiya taught him this move around the 80's episodes.), and it was heading towards her.

Try as she might to move out of the way, Futta got the full force of the Spiral. The ground underneath her became a crater, while her stomach received a burn that resembled a spiral. Kakashi came over and checked her vitals-she was bent over, coughing up blood. Kakashi then stood up and announced: "Futta is unable to fight. Naruto is the winner of this fight. Will Hitta and Sasuke please come to the ring?"

Naruto was nice enough to help Futta off to the sidelines while Sasuke and Hitta started their fight. Naruto almost didn't hear her when she whispered him something.

"We'll start the bargains when Kakashi-ojisan leaves. Oh, and by the way: nothing about assassinations, poisonings, or anything of that sort. Also, please no perverted stuff." Futta said with a devilish grin.

"Nani! Don't flatter yourself!" Naruto almost yelled. When he calmed down, he looked at her and asked, "So, what would you have made me do if you won, anyway?"

Futta smiled, then mouthed 'this.' She leaned forward, and kissed him. Although this took him by surprise, Naruto didn't pull away. They were still kissing, even while Sasuke and Hitta fought.


	8. A Tutu?

**Ch. 7: A Tutu?**

A/N: Forget what I said at the beginning of the sixth chapter. I'm glad that Shinycry and CackleRubblePop were nice enough to review-although one was a flame. At the end of this chapter I'll post my response. Also, prepare for both OOcness and bad language.Anyway, Hitta and Sasuke were in the middle of a heated battle…

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'Damn,' Sasuke thought, 'that bitch Hitta is good. My sharingan can't get her that well.' Hitta cracked her whip, which wasmade up of brambles, again and caused cuts all along Sasuke's arms. While Sasuke was trying to charge at her, Hitta then made the katas for psychic power, ending with thrusting her arm down and the floor was then covered in smoke. Sasuke stopped all of a sudden when he saw the silhouette of a large animal, which turned out to be…

A white, winged unicorn.

Sasuke fell on the ground from laughing so hard. Hitta looked at him weird as she mounted the horse.

"What's so funny about Oni here? (Oni means demon in Japanese.)" Hitta asked.

Between laughs, Sasuke said, "Well, for one thing, it's a white, winged unicorn. I should've expected a girl to call "Oni." I mean, come on! For a demon, he sure has a lot of flower tattoos on his ass!" On the sidelines, Futta just hung her head and muttered "Baka." As Sasuke resumed his hysterical laughing, an extremely masculine voice came from the horse.

"Call me pretty, would ya? PRETTY THIS, YOU PRICK!" Oni said as he flew up into the air and spiraled downward with his horn-which is quite sharp and pointy-aimed at Sasuke. Sasuke stopped laughing long enough to look upward. For a second, he was thoroughly scared. He used his Big Fireball technique, then ran to the other side of the ring to escape Oni. Unfortunately, Oni came up behind him and shoved his horn in a very uncomfortable spot. Then Oni said the fateful words:

"Fire Technique: death of a thousand years! (A/n: If you remember the first few episodes, this is the move Kakashi did on Naruto during the double bell test.)" Oni then tossed his head upward, and sent Sasuke flying through the air. When Sasuke landed, he went out of the ring, and couldn't get up because he had trouble sitting on his rear. Kakashi sighed, then announced, "Sasuke is out of the ring. Not only that, but he is unable to fight, or sit down for that matter. I'm going to bed." With that, Kakashi left.

After Oni left, Hitta walked up to Sasuke, who was still writhing in pain.

"Oh, by the way Sasuke-teme," Hitta said, " you might want a doctor to examine your colon to make sure Oni didn't poison you. Still, get up off your ass. You owe me a task." Sasuke grunted, then got up, with a pained look on his face. All four people gathered in a circle, while Futta gave the rules.

"Alright," She said, "nothing perverted, too disturbing, or assassinations or poisonings and such. Failure to follow the rules or the task results in a serious wedgie. Okay, now Naruto goes first." Naruto turned to Futta, and ordered: "Take a few pictures of Kakashi without his mask on, and report back as soon as possible." Futta bowed in agreement. In a swirl of petals, she was gone. Hitta rolled her eyes, muttering something like "Showoff."

About two hours later, around three a.m., Futta returned with a packet of pictures. As everyone gathered around Naruto, he opened the packet, then gasped.

Kakashi had his mask off, but the pictures were pictures of Kakashi and Iruka...well, having sex. Of course, the photos were taken from outside since Iruka and Kakashi just went on. Kakashi's face was perfect, from what they could see when Iruka wasn't kissing him, except for that one scar across his Sharingan eye. By the time Naruto, Sasuke, and Hitta finished the pictures, Futta asked, "Well, how're the pictures?" she turned towards the crowd, where Naruto had a lighter under the pictures.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Futta yelled, "THOSE COST ME FIVE DOLLARS, YOU JERK!"

"THESE ARE PORNO PICTURES WHICH SCARRED MY MIND!" Naruto replied, "Anyway, its Hitta's turn for a task."

Hitta looked atSasuke and asked, "Well, what would you have had me do if you won?"

"Well," Sasuke said, "Maybe doing something like do my chores or so-WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?" His sudden outburst was because he saw Hitta and Futta bring out a large makeup kit. Hitta and Futta gave each other Mona Lisa smiles and said in their trademark deranged voice:

"We're going to make you pretty."

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A/N: Well, next chapter is coming next Sunday, where we see how pretty Sasuke gets. Also, here's my response to my latest reviews:

Shikamaruthepinapple: Thanks for your review! The number was five, but close enough, and I have a very rainy day.

CackleRubblePop: Thanks for the review, even if it was a flame. Yeah, I'll admit, my writing sucked a bit in the first chapter, and if you read on, Rie's Byakuugan would be explained. Also, when I started reading, I didn't read or actually watch Itachi until later, so I see why you'd say I wrote him to be too weak.

Shinycry: The pics are for you, Shinycry!


	9. The Worst Day of Sasuke's Life

Chapter 8: The worst day of my life

A/N: Okay, I screwed up. I know I said that I would update on Monday, but of course, my teachers had to give me a crapload of homework. Anyway, this is the last chapter, but not the last fanfic! At the end of the chapter, I'll give the preview for my next fanfic The Konoha Incident. The Konoha Incident would be in the Artemis Fowl area, though, because it's centered around him, although it's a Naruto/Artemis Fowl crossover. Any way, this is what happened when Sasuke went under the lip liner…

۞

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Everywhere Sasuke went, the common reaction was either nosebleeds or snickers. Sasuke was in a short skirt, his hair down without the point in the back, makeup, and the worst was when Hitta and Futta made him wear a BRA (Size A, they couldn't stuff it without making it look fake.), and a tight black shirt, and finally, he was wearing black stiletto shoes that had his toenails painted in light, summery tones. The worst part was where he had Hitta and Futta following him, making things worse. 

"C'mon, Sasuke! You're supposed to balance in those shoes!" Hitta said, while Futta was trying to hold back giggles.

'This town's never going to live this down.' Sasuke thought as he saw Sakura and Ino faint from the shock of seeing Sasuke cross-dress-and look good while he's at it. Before Sasuke could take any more, he felt his skirt being lifted from behind. Turning around, he saw Jiraiya trying to peek under his skirt. Sasuke just snapped then.

"WHAT THE HELL! IT'S ME, YOU PERVERT!" Sasuke yelled, while smearing half his makeup off to prove his point. Disgusted by both the mistake he made, and knowing that Sasuke was cross-dressing, Jiraiya started running away. Sasuke would have been satisfied by this, but he noticed his skirt was still up. He then heard a voice that made his blood turn cold.

"Boxer shorts?" Hitta asked, "We told you to wear the G-string. Do you know what this means, dear sister?"

"Why yes," Futta answered very loftily, "Dear sister, I do know what this means. WEDGIE TIME!" Both girls took a hold on the waistband and stretched it over Sasuke's head. This, of course caused Naruto to burst out laughing from the sight of Sasuke trying to pick the wedgie off his forehead, without success. Then again, if someone put superglue on the waistband of your boxers, it would be hard to take off in the first place.

While this went on, Hitta and Futta quietly slipped away, while Kakashi stepped over to Naruto, wearing his Hitai-ate over his mouth as much as he could. Naruto looked up.

"Oh. Ohayoo, Kakashi-sensei." Naruto said. Kakashi took him by the collar, lifted Naruto up to his face and growled:

"My masks. NOW."

"But," Naruto stuttered, "I don't have them. What would make you think I have them?"

"Because there was a ransom note for miso and pork ramen, which was also signed by you." Kakashi said in his death-toned voice.

That was the least of their problems. The whole village had important things missing from them, like Ino's diary or Sakura's picture of Sasuke, and every one had a ransom note signed by Sasuke, Naruto, or both. The whole thing came to a climax when Tsunade found her liquor cabinet missing, sake and all. But of course, even though Naruto and Sasuke were innocent, it was hard to believe them when everyone's things were found at their homes. Everything was found there, except for Tsunade's sake.

After everyone was done beating Sasuke (who still had his boxer shorts glued to his forehead) and Naruto, the two came to one of their rare agreements:

Hitta and Futta are great shinobi.

Tsuzuku.

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A/N: Well, I hope you all had a good laugh from Hitta and Futta. If you want another story about them, you can read my sis's fanfic "Princess Sakura." The Story should be in my fav stories if you want to read it after this. Now what else, what else...Oh Yeah! 

Neko says meow: I thank you for the review, even though it's ending here.

Shinycry: I thank you for the review, and I just burst out laughing when I imagined what it must've looked like when you had hysterics.

Finally, a preview of my next fanfic, The Konoha Incident…

Naruto came over to Artemis and Kitty, Artemis' new bodyguard, with a bowl of pork ramen. Naruto knelt beside them, bowl in front of him. Both Artemis and Kitty were tied together, glaring at their capturer, while the Hokage and Kakashi were talking next door.

"It mighn't be the best food you two had," Naruto started, "but this might be it for a while." Kitty just stared at the ground while Artemis looked at the bowl of ramen, contemplating whether to take the ramen or not…

And I'm just going to leave it at that until the readers go look for it when I post it. Until then!


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